Thursday, May 29, 2008

Delicacy of Trust

"Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement." ~~ Alfred Adler
You want to trust people. You do. And every benefit of doubt is offered along with a clean slate.
"To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved." ~~ George MacDonald
"I trust everyone. I just don't trust the devil inside them." ~~ from The Italian Job
Trust has to be earned and maintained. When it's abused it takes years or a lifetime to be regained. In some cases time alone is not enough to restore broken trust. Sincerity and change must reside in the heart.
"Trust him not with your secrets, who, when left alone in your room, turns over your papers". ~~ Johann Kaspar Lavater
"Trust everybody, but cut the cards." ~~ Finley Peter Dunne
Trust broken leads to disappointment, turmoil, estrangement.
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough." ~~ Frank Crane
"Love all, trust few." ~~ William Shakespeare
My grandma used to say to her children, "I trust you, but I'm keeping my eye on you."
"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." ~~ Samuel Johnson

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Twilight's Offering

There was a moment yesterday when joy - I think it was joy - welled up high in me and rang the bell. For a few tender moments my emotions floated freely, positively, my mind found center and lingered there, my spirit somehow understood that in the end everything is going to be okay. One way or another.

Occurring in the kitchen - don't most epiphanies happen there? - my moment of serenity surprised me offering a satisfying eye-closing, shoulder-lifting moment to my somewhat wearified soul. The kids were contentedly slicing long, French sandwich buns, passing around the tasty deli meats and cheeses, sharing, pouring fresh milk for one another all around the extended cutting board where delicious sandwich concoctions are occasionally created.

We were relaxed. Even Tom, the resident hyper-human, bore a soothing countenance as he leaned against the counter waiting his turn, arms and legs casually crossed. No hurry.

Visible outside the nearby kitchen window a sky-filling bank of heavy, nearly black storm clouds rolled and gleamed as twilight began overtaking the sky. Imminent rain's scent seeped through the screen, flavoring the air. Intoxicating aroma.

Another day's work accomplished ahead of a storm. Supper earned, rest deserved. Activity replaced with tranquility.

For those brief moments and for the evening to follow life's trials left me alone. Relieved. Refreshed. Refocused.

I slept well last night in our new room. Burdens found other far-away shoulders to stoop, or maybe they dissipated into the storm clouds to drip gentle rain over the garden this morning.

I'll take it; the cessation of bedevilment. The rain. The quiet.

The gentle reminder that for those who would seek her, notice her, feel her, illumination's refreshment can be known.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Freedom to Recover

"True love of oneself - or another - does not require a person to measure up."

"The body is strong and the world generous. Both can accommodate error after error as they patiently await the time of healing."

~~ from The Yoga of Eating, by Charles Eisensfein

Freedom is found in the first quote. The freedom to cease trying to measure up to standards I don't even believe in.

Hope is found in the second quote. Hope that strength, generosity, and patience will hold out long enough for frazzled emotions to catch up and join in the process - of healing.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

...And the Fullness Thereof

The sea. This early morning, on the breezy air wafting into my wide-open bedroom window, the same wisps which finger through my hair, on this I catch a scent of the ocean. Ah. There it is again. Gigantic body of water, salt, plants and aquatic animals, an hours drive west of me and still its scent carries on the winds to my nose. Glorious scent that soothes.

When I open my eyes I see the first opening peony of May. The low morning sun rays play amidst its petals - hide and seek. Crimson and gold. Over there I see three tiny green tomatoes shaded under leaves and delicate yellow flowers. Nearby radish leaves boldly burst through the soil while across the garden peas and beans slowly unfurl leaf sprouts while the lettuce tip-toes in a diagonal path.

Swaying gently with no trace of resistance the tiger lily's long lime-green grassy leaves reflect the yellow sun. Freedom. Their orange-striped, bugle-shaped flowers remain hidden, secret, enfolded in the ancient growth order. Soon. Soon.

Far away a steady train rumbles, its normally mournful resonance carrying a cheerier note today. "Warm sunny May! Life everywhere! Enjoy. Live!"

Mr. Perky Squirrel scatters along the fence while the beagle glances up from his comfortable position on the cool grass. No barking today. No chase. Permission granted. Scatter all you want.

In between the worry of yesterday and the decisions of tomorrow lies today, plump with life, massaging fingers of cool-warm air, friendly foliage, beauty. Peace. Serene moments free of human frenzy, abounding in nature's rhythm, cradling the weary, energizing, calming, clarifying.

He does not give us more than we can bear.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


A family member loses independence, needs help. We gather together bringing our experience, strength, compassion, and love to the scene. Decisions are made. Aid is given. Plans are laid. Phone calls made.

Then, an inevitable lull in the activity. "Have you had lunch?" a fatigued sister asks her older brother. "Nope." And off we go with our spouses to a restaurant where frustrated, weary medical discussion gives way, happily, to better times. To youth. To memories of times shared. To fun!

Laughter, energy restored from pleasant reliving and good food. Waiters and busboys shoot curious looks our way.

Exhaustion gives way to relaxation. We can go another mile because we have gone many before and we know. We know each other. We know our hearts. No matter what is happening we have a connection.

And it's good.

As good as that coconut my brother hammer-smashed while I watched in delight!

Mysterious this thing called life. And worth the effort. So worth it.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Remember the Moon

I have to remind myself these days that, just as the moon remains complete though I see only half of it, life is as right as it can be even though half of it seems confusing, unknown, dark right now.

It's easy to become enveloped in the emotions of life - the stress, strain, unexpected happenings that sucker punch and leave one breathless. Simple to want to crawl under the covers and stay there until someone signals the all clear.

But when I am the one who must determine when it's all clear I have to get up, take one step at a time, and remember that times like this end eventually. Serenity will be restored. For awhile.

Life may change. Adjustments may be necessary. I can carry on. I must. I want to.

And I must remember the moon - always fully where it's supposed to be, even when shadows overcome.

Just like life.